Treatment Resistant Depression
Needs Healthy Self Mothering
Maybe treatment resistant depression “resists” treatment because medication and cognitive therapy don't go deep enough.
Maybe it has something to do with hidden (even unconscious) emotions.
Most of us are emotionally illiterate. We don't know how to deal with emotions because we've never been around people who do know. We don't even know that we don't know.
One of my depressed clients realized he didn’t know how to resolve emotions and relationships. He said he was a miserable person and everyone in his family was miserable. And his misery attracted other miserable people into his life.
He was a perceptive man who saw his family and friends looking for happiness in all the wrong places. They tried to soothe their misery with things that can't bring lasting happiness. Their efforts were for outer things like cars and "stuff" and for achievements - but not for inner things like emotions and relationships.
He didn’t fall into the same trap, his trap was more subtle. He tried to help them feel better. He gave and gave and gave but nothing he did ever made them happy. He felt like a powerless failure.
He lost his power as soon as he put his attention on others and their experiences, as soon as he felt responsible for them, as soon as his job was THEM instead of himself. We all lose power when we do that. (This is a classic trap that many mothers fall into.)
Treatment resistant depression is
often related to your mother.
(I promise, Mom, no one is blaming you!)
We lose power because we have no power to change anyone or to make them happy. We lose power when we need someone to be different so we can feel happy. Treatment resistant depression is often a message that the only true answer lies within.
Overcoming depression and emotional illiteracy means learning how to change from the inside out. Like he so wisely observed…he needed to learn how to resolve feelings and relationships (but there was no one there to teach him.)
Because inner change is an inside job with deep, sensitive emotions, it needs a secure, safe space in which to happen. A holding space. Change needs an environment (like a seed needs soil and water.) It is that simple. We are natural, powerful self healers when we have the right environment.
Change is ultimately about environment. Soil and water is one kind of environment and a mother's womb is another. Your home is your environment, as is your family and your culture. Your inner environment is your true home and is the environment that brings change. (Or not!) The most important environment for treatment resistant depression is the home inside of you.
So, you ask, what does Mom have to do with it?
Your first environment WAS Mom - inside of her. Then inside the home she provided - her physical "space" and her energetic space. Her VIBE. And besides that, however she dealt with her own space is what she taught you about dealing with your space.
(Click here for more about your inner space, security, fear and courage.)
Sounds like a catch 22, doesn’t it? After all, your depressed inner space is what you want to change and now I'm saying you need a good inner space in order to change. Don’t worry, it is simple.
Six supports for treatment resistant depression:
First. Are you hostile territory? Is your inner environment encouraging or condemning? This is easy to answer: Do you incline toward right/wrong, good/bad type thinking? If you do, then you are in a hostile, judging environment.
Still not sure? What about your parents? Are they into right and wrong, good and bad? Were you a “good” or “bad” kid? (Either one is judgment type thinking.)
Second. Growth. Do you notice and celebrate ANY progress? No matter how small? Or do you set standards which you see yourself as failing?
Third. Mystery. Can you let go into the mystery? Change requires – absolutely requires – a quality called “tolerance for ambiguity.” You must learn how to be ok with not knowing and not controlling how things will work out.
Fourth. Trust. Rely on growth and trust things to change. You trusted that you’d learn to walk and talk! Insisting that anything has to be a certain way REALLY gets in the way. It doesn’t help and it creates tension and a “hostile territory.”
Fifth. Feelings. How do you feel? Right now, how do you feel about what you just read? (I’m NOT asking what you think!) Don't judge how you feel, feelings just ARE. There is no right or wrong about how you feel. Feelings don’t hurt anyone and the more you let them be, the more they will pass. Let your feelings be like a blade of grass in the weather. Let the "weather" of your feelings pass: watch, grow, be.
Sixth. Practice. Practice even a part of this and over time you will see changes. Believe in the power of your perseverence. See if your treatment resistant depression feels any progress at all. ANY change is proof that change is possible and anything is possible one little change at a time. You know, like how the Grand Canyon got so grand. You are the acorn and the mighty oak all at the same time. Nurture your environment (which is YOU) and YOU - your environment - will nurture you.
Then just relax and let it be, let it be, let it be.
How to Overcome Depression: When You Feel Bad
From Treatment Resistant Depression back to Natural Cures for Depression Homepage
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