My story

by Michele
(Fremont, CA)

When I was a young child my mother who is schizophrenic would drop me off at a lady's house and leave me for months then come back again.

This happened several times until the lady (now my adopted grandmother) told my mother that if she did it again that it would be the last time. This was the last time I saw my mother.

I started displaying abandonment issues with my first love at fifteen although I had no idea what was happening. He was a very sweet boy who cared for me deeply but I violently did things to sabotage our relationship and when he would leave me I would cry and cry - begging and pleading him to take me back.

After that I went on and on with debasing relationships going back even though I knew better and now after a seven year relationship, I did things to sabotage again and my children's father is now not willing to come back and I am subsequently devastated with a terrible fear of being lonely. I am very lonely and sad and I am scared how I will ever get over him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is all understandable. There is so much trauma built up inside you, any closeness triggers huge reactions. I won't pretend that some little advice will heal your traumas, you need on-going therapy to release deep pain and rejection. It probably would have been much better if she had just left once and for all, rather than again and again.

Have you tried the emotional release?

I wish you the best-
Laura