Mark D.

by Mark Danoiels
(Troy MO)

I have been married for almost 12 years. It was pretty good for the first 7 years or so. I then found out my wife was a compulsive lier. Still. I accepted that no one is perfect including me.

She had always wanted a big family. We now have 6 kids, 5 are with me because about 4 years ago my wife started atacking me about everything. We went to a psychologist and discovered she had borderline personality disorder. Her mother had abandon her and she most likely had been abused.

The very thing she feared, me leaving her, she was creating. She was doing everything she could to get rid of me. It escalated until she was working as a prostitute. Even that didn't work.

Many other things she did to ruin our family until finally she moved in with another man. I tolerated more than most people would have. Probably because of my abandonment issues. I don't know. It is really sad. Our kids really don't have a mother. Just like her. The very thing she didnt want she created.

I am trying to go on with my life best I can and let go. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for over 18 years. I also go to counseling to deal with my own abandonment issues. I always end up in relationships where the women say to me: You are a good husband and a father- but then they try to destroy me and everything we have together. They usually do destroy us, no matter how much I accept or how hard I try to make things work. No matter what I do it always ends up the same.

My heart is broken as well as my kids. I am attending al anon and that also helps me. AA as well. Sometimes I get tired of working on myself and think - will I ever be able to have a decent realationship? Thanks for reading this. Hope it helps someone.

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What an amazing set of examples of how patterns play out in people's lives. I congratulate you on both your sobriety and what it must take for you to have 5 kids!!!!

A lot of us understand that feeling of getting tired of working on yourself. I think it is a good sign, a sign that a deep part of you is ready for some simple contentment.

Maybe some space for yourself, without relationship for a while, is best. There are so many chapters in life. Perhaps that relationship chapter is for a later time. I know it is lonely. Seems that once we know that we are whole withOUT relationship, we can then better attract someone who is healthy instead of needy or destructive.

with love,
Laura