Indelible Mark

by Savage Athena
(Philippines)

Ever since I was a child, I remember that a lot of those experiences made their own contribution to my fear of abandonment.
One is that my parents have left me to my grandmother and they had with them my other siblings. People would always say I am a nice little girl but how come my parents were not able to realize it?
Another was that, my best friend who eventually became my boyfriend promised me a lot of things when I was 17. And after that, after those promises and sweet nothings, he left me in favor of another girl.
These are just two experiences and I have other more but I think I don?t have to mention them anymore.
Now I?m a twenty two-year old law student, I have difficulties in entering into relationships because of fear of being abandoned. I always think that maybe people just want to stick with me because they can be proud of me but when the time comes that they find me useless, they?d just leave. How can I overcome this fear?
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It is not easy but the only way is to fully feel and allow your fear to be. Accept it, make friends with it. Cultivate your inner core calm center in this way. You can only know you- We can none of us totally rely upon or even understand others. People do what they do and everyone gets hurt. Focus on your inner calm and growth and wisdom and love. Know that you are young and you are in process, just like you were when quite young, learning to walk and talk. You are learning to be you while in this challenging world.

with love
Laura