HELP!
by Karen
My husband of 15 years had two girls by a young girl when they were both 17 years of age. My husband decided that he did not any longer want the responsibility of children or a relationship with their mother, so he announced he was leaving and requested that the mother not contact him again. The mother met another man and the boyfriend allegedly sexually abused the 2 year old, and broke the leg of the 10 month old, so CPS took the children away from the young mother. My husband was given an opportunity to go to court and claim to be their next of kin and to raise them, but for some reason, probably just being young and irresponsible, decided not to show up in court so the children were wardens of the state and were eventually adopted by seemingly pretty good parents. From what I have heard, the mother worked for the state in the Children's Protective Services department and the father was in the military-retired, though. So an older couple. Anyway, throughout our marriage, he has related to me how guilty and horrible he feels about leaving those little girls and how he wants to find them. We have gone to their home state and tried to get some kind of information, but it was like they, and their mother even, just disappeared off the face of the earth! Finally, I decided to set up a Facebook page for my husband and asked if anyone knows his two daughters...his nieces went on a search last year in October and WE FOUND THEM!! Everyone was so excited!! I sent a message to the older one and told her that I think I am married to her father. I asked her some questions to confirm her identity, and she said YES! This was a miracle!! She told her sister and her sister contacted me on Facebook, and we all chatted, and I told my husband and we got their phone numbers and it was so wonderful...But the older one told me she was pregnant and homeless.(20 years old now)So without even THINKING, I said, Ok well, we will come and get you! You can't be living on the street! They lived in Tennessee, and we are in Texas. So we made arrangements for her to go stay with my husband's family members and within two weeks, we were there to get her. The younger one (19 years old) made up a big lie(we found out later)saying that her adoptive parents kicked her out of the house because they did not approve of her meeting her biological father. To make a long story short, we ended up getting both of them and bringing them back to Texas to live with us and our two sons.(my sons are 13 and 16)The 20 year old had ISSUES. Issues with men, sex, just wanting attention from whomever would give it to her. Meeting men on Facebook or MySpace and then having sex with them immediately...This story is so long, and I am trying to get to my question!! Well, they both decided to leave...Now, the younger one(now 20 years old)decided to come back. She is like my worst nightmare. She demands ALL of my husband's time. Every waking hour she has to be with him, texting him, calling him, following him...I am all for them building a relationship, but I have two sons who also need to spend quality time with their father, and I need to spend quality time with my husband. If we want to go out alone, she is constantly texting and calling...asking him if he cares about their relationship. If he does not talk to her on every break when he is at work or when she is at work, she is asking him why. She has told me that she feels like he may leave her, and I told her he does not have to text or call you every day all day for you to know that he cares about you! I said, don't you know he is NEVER going to lose touch with you or your sister again? But no matter what he does, no matter what he says, no matter how much time or reassurance he gives her, it is NOT ENOUGH. This is driving me crazy. My husband's guilt causes him to think that this is proper. That I am jealous. That I have had him for 15 years, and she deserves all his time now. I have recently contacted a therapist, because our family is falling apart behind this. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP THIS GIRL? Am I wrong in thinking that my husband needs to balance this relationship with the relationships with me, our sons, his other daughters? Is it wrong for me to ask that she does not text him when we are in bed together? Boundaries? Can there be some? HELP!
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