Our Little Secret
by Caitlyn, 15
(Canada)
My little box of happy, always at my bed side.
Would people ask me questions? About a box? No, why?
What's inside holds a secret,
A secret only I shall know.
What's inside is an addiction, a cage, hatred.
What is inside my little box of happy, makes me bleed.
Would my mom want me to have such a thing?
No, but she doesn't get it's something that I need.
It makes me bleed, it makes me scar,
It reminds me that I'm still alive.
My little box of happy does not make me smile.
It does no such thing, but it helps me survive.
I could not find something I could live for,
So instead I replaced the word "live" with "die".
My little box of happy, always at my bedside.
My little box of happy, has something I need to hide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you, Caitlin. I wonder how some people do find something to live for. In my darkest times, I saw that some people lived lives I respected and I at least knew it was possible. If they could find the way then so could I--was the only thing that kept me going many times.
I respect your poem and appreciate your beautiful expressions of your truth.
There is a movie called "Secretary" about a woman who cuts. James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal star. This movie brought her to stardom. Have you seen it?
with love and acknowledgement...
Laura
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feeling alone
by jasmine
(georgia )
when there's nothing left to do , you sit and cry and not want to keep strong anymore.
when all your hope and joy is gone. And no one seems to care, only the people you talk to inside.
people call me crazy but truth is im just missunderstood. I'm trying to find myself and who i am but how can i when everybody judges me.
What do you do when the world turns its back on you and no one wants to help you .
When the only thing you want to do is feel loved. when all you want to do is see it through with no tears in the eyes but a clear view.
Whats life without love. Whats life without someone to call yours, Whats life ? When there's a million people but you feel so alone. Is that life ? no its not.
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Pain.
by julia
theres way to much time,
shes losin her mind,
theres nothing to gain
except some more pain
when she gets home,
shes still so alone
shes always so mad
and even more sad
theres people she nos
but theres no point, everyone goes
the cuts in her skin
go deeper with in
they release the words of yesterday
that she not come to say
her family looks at her and she sees shame,
god please take her away she has way to much pain
but what you do not know
is "she" is the girl i dont let show
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Depression Poems -- BleedingLies.
by BrandonLeeDivis
(Everywhere.)
It's as simple as this,
you must see.
My life is nothing,
and I can not be.
I fill up the bathtub, shaking,
with steaming hot water.
Throw away the gift,
I recently bought her.
Phone ringing constantly,
everybody somehow knows.
I put it on silent,
and the door I close.
I strip myself,
of my clothes and dignity.
I grab the razor,
I can no longer be.
This is a simple task,
yet seeming so hard.
From life and existence,
I must be barred.
I step in the tub,
let myself fall in the water.
I'm not relaxed enough,
I turn the water hotter.
I'm writing this note,
just as it occurs.
I'm not happy in life,
but she's happy in hers.
I do what i set out for,
a swift cut on the cephalic.
The water's hot and I don't feel it,
I fall asleep deep and quick.
...
Drifting on,
ringing noise.
Recalling all,
our lost joys.
I'm in a lost place,
full of nothingness.
I have to admit,
I kinda regret this.
...
Sudden jolt of life,
I'm awake now.
I was supposed to go,
but life wouldn't allow.
I'd lost too much blood,
and only passed out.
Right there in the bathtub,
It was lights-out.
Parents crying their eyes out,
right there in the emergency room.
Doctors trying franticly,
so I don't have to be entombed.
They bring me back to life,
tears of sorrow turn to joy.
I wish I would have died,
my life I tried to destroy.
...
Several months later,
sitting with my help group.
Telling them my story,
just as I tell you.
Taken out of school,
shut out of life.
I have the razor,
I have the knife.
I made my second attempt,
the rope did not break.
I'm gone as you read this,
my life I could not take.
...
Love is a terrible, hurtful commitment.
Even as you make the right choices,
the one you devote your undying love for,
will leave you just like that.
I write this as a man of heartbreak.
Time is good for healing,
but will NEVER heal the scars.
The scars that remind me constantly
of what I've done..
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Depression Poems - I am Alone
by Alecia
I can feel the emptiness
from deep inside,
I am alone,
Within the soul
I can feel I've been destroyed
Nothing remains as a whole,
My heart has been engulfed by a deep void,
My pain, no one could know,
It's so cold today
I can feel the heartless winds blow
But they can't take my sorrows away,
My loneliness just seems to grow,
I am alone
The real me, Does anybody know?
I'm sitting here, like a stone,
Dreams, washed away
Hopes, shriveled to nothing,
But my fears, they've not gone astray,
The darkness seems to conquer
When demons come alive
Fueled by my silent screams,
I am alone,
And it's ripping at the stitch
of every fragile seam.
----
-I have written this feeling alone inside. When I feel I am completely running on empty, I express how I feel on a poem, but simply move on after I jot my ideas. This was a quick poem as you see it needs to be worked on. I have felt this way, more then once, and I assume someone has to feel this way, too. If you like it, great, if not, cool. God Bless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I like it a lot, and thank you for your note, so I don't feel so worried about you. God bless you all.
Laura
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When The Darkness Bites
by Gheko
(London UK)
When The Darkness Bites
The thunder and lightning crackle inside my brain.
Clanging against shattered fragments of skull.
They filter down my throat,
And weigh heavy in my rotting chest and stomach, forcing that familiar choke.
Black sharpness stabs back and forth,
Beating me to a pit of emptiness.
No exit, no pathway out, it sits, sinks and forever stays.
Its bitten my veins, pulsing the blood black and clotted, there it lays.
Where does it come from, where does its energy emerge?
Its embedded in my entity, my soul and its poison merge.
I push my heavy head towards the sky, reaching for escapes.
The sky mirrors the darkness clinging within, it buckles in and rapes.
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Depression Poems - My Diary
by Caitlyn, 15
(Canada)
This is the entry in my diary I found the first time I cut.
"Why I did it? First of all my breaking point was most obviously crossed, by, of course, who would have guessed, my mother.
Big surprise huh? Everything just built up over time, mostly Kurtis. God I hate him. Second, it was an instinct. It was the first thing I thought of. It was like.. watching myself bleed was like watching all my pain and worst fears just leave me..
Seeing it on the floor I could just go "It's gone".
Oh, Diary, dear old friend, I should tell you. I cut my wrist, Bad hey? I know but it felt like a high. And now, I went into my bedroom I see everything as if it was made to hurt me. How deep it could go, where it could go. The sharpener, pencil sharpener. That's a killer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you. How about giving equal time to feeling the love in your heart that so desperately wants to shine out and give your love to the world? Just equal time is all I suggest. Just to be fair.
lots of love to you
Laura
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Depression Poems - Cut And Hide
by Caitlyn,15.
(Canada)
It's no more now than a little sting.
It hurt at first but who cared? Who was listening?
It becomes a way of life, cut and hide, cut and hide.
She's running out of excuses but she no longer cares.
Her father lifted her up, where the deep red pain ran down her arm and yelled,
"All you are is a freak. An attention seeking freak"
She knows that's not what she is.
A freak, yes.
An attention seeker, no.
Every cut tells a story.
A story only she will know.
From her point of view,
Inside her shoes.
Feeling her pain, seeing things through her eyes.
Her friend thinks shes the happiest girl she knows.
Her boyfriend thinks shes outgoing and carefree.
They love her.
She hates herself.
Shes tempted by the blade, it's calling back for more.
She doesn't want the scar, but it's hard for her to endure, the hatred and the pain.
It sits among her shoulders, killing her inside,
"One more cut! You deserve it"
She believes it.
She looks at every sharp object as if they were made to be implements for her wrists.
So she does it.
One more time.
Cut and hide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exquisitely painful. Where is Higher Self hiding?
Lovingly,
Laura
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My Bleeding Heart
by Brittany
(AL)
My bledding heart
So full of pain
My entire life
Just one sick game
Im trapped inside
This prison of hate
Life was cruel
To die is my fate
Im all alone
No one is near
Why did you leave me
To suffer here?
I drove too fast
Down a lover's lane
I repeated my past
And brought back all of my pain
Bitter tears
Fall from my eyes
But you can't see
Under my disguise
I hide my tears
Under the mask
As all of my fears
Creap up fast
I buried my pain
Deep inside of me
Now its all coming back
Why can't you see?
I'm dying inside
With no one around
No one can help me
Cause i wont make a sound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you so much, Brittany. Great work bringing your dark up into the light and sharing your love and hurt with us.
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Hidden - Depression Poems
by Naureen Hossain
(Gaithersburg, Maryland)
I've been to hell and back.
My world, destroyed.
My dreams, now nightmares.
My heart is halfway gone.
Feelings hidden.
Thoughts locked.
Heart bleeding.
Will I ever be able to show my real self?
Will I ever be set free?
Will my heart ever beat again?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are doing a great job of really feeling the pain...which ultimately dissolves it and transforms it. You'll see.
with love,
Laura
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