Fear of Abandonment - When Abandonment becomes a crutch.

by Jacqueline
(Ontario, Canada)

I have a good friend and we share a duplex together. She has the downstairs apartment and I have the upstairs apartment. I helped my friend attain the downstairs apartment after a disastrous relationship with a man who abused her. We both have daughters albeit hers is much younger.

My friend was not only abandoned by her mother and father and sent to live with grandparents when she was 5, but the father of her little girl left her for another woman. She has always pined for this young man and now he is back in her life. He is also abusive.

I have called the police when he comes in drunk and high. With our living situations so close, I am dragged into the drama. My friends' little daughter has come up to my apartment when things get really rough.

Now, because I have defended myself and my own daughter by calling in authorities, I am being ostracized. She has become a 32 year old equivalent of a school yard bully. I can chalk it up to her abandonment issues, but at this point I am beyond angry.

When does someone stop using abandonment as a crutch? Does tough love work? Her allowing this abusive man in my living space is grounds for eviction and I am no longer willing to play the nice 'girl next door'.