Fear of Abandonment - Ms. Houston

Jun 12, 2009

Fear of Abandonment
by: Laura (webmaster)

You are wise to honor your feeling that you are not ready to face your fear...yet. When the past is unresolved, we usually repeat it anyway. Rather than looking forward to facing the next relationship, I suggest you work on getting understanding and resolution for the past. That will greatly reduce your fear and the likelihood of a repeated pattern.

Clearly your ex-spouse has unexamined and unresolved issues. While you are powerless over his stuff, you can seek to understand what part of you needed to attract him as a spouse. It is never about blaming yourself; learning from your experience is the only way to truly move on.

Your learning in this case may not involve what part of you attracted him. It may be more about accepting that life and relationships always carry the risk of hurt and loss. It can be sudden and unexplainable and utterly unfair.

You know the old expression, til better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You are resonating with the loss and risks rather than the gifts and joy of relationship. You are resonating with being emotionally dependent. This is your call to heal your inner strength.

I hear that you are stuck and angry because you don't understand why your ex does what he does. Perhaps you can accept that it is HIS stuff, and not about you. He is unavailable and that is that. Now you, too are unavailable!

Was there anyone in your childhood who became unavailable in some way, maybe with no explanation that could help you at the time? Go back to that and find all the unresolved pain. Use the Emotional Stress page to guide you through deep healing.

I wish you healing and happy relationships, when you are ready.

with love
Laura

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Jun 12, 2009
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Submitted by: Laura (webmaster)

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You are wise to honor your feeling that you are not ready to face your fear...yet. When the past is unresolved, we usually repeat it anyway. Rather than looking forward to facing the next relationship, I suggest you work on getting understanding and resolution for the past. That will greatly reduce your fear and the likelihood of a repeated pattern. Clearly your ex-spouse has unexamined and unresolved issues. While you are powerless over his stuff, you can seek to understand what part of you needed to attract him as a spouse. It is never about blaming yourself; learning from your experience is the only way to truly move on. Your learning in this case may not involve what part of you attracted him. It may be more about accepting that life and relationships always carry the risk of hurt and loss. It can be sudden and unexplainable and utterly unfair. You know the old expression, til better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You are resonating with the loss and risks rather than the gifts and joy of relationship. You are resonating with being emotionally dependent. This is your call to heal your inner strength. I hear that you are stuck and angry because you don't understand why your ex does what he does. Perhaps you can accept that it is HIS stuff, and not about you. He is unavailable and that is that. Now you, too are unavailable! Was there anyone in your childhood who became unavailable in some way, maybe with no explanation that could help you at the time? Go back to that and find all the unresolved pain. Use the Emotional Stress page to guide you through deep healing. I wish you healing and happy relationships, when you are ready. with love Laura

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