Fear of Abandonment - Help

by Grace
(Chesapeake, Virginia, United States of America)

Please help! My parent's divorced in the summer, and I don't think my mom is able to balance us kids plus her college classes...

She is always stressed and yelling, and sometimes cusses, but at other times we can barely talk to her because she is so tired. I am practically raising my little sister, because my mom obviously failed with her. All she cares about is eating and taking the easy way out of things. She only has a couple of friends, and doesn't seem to see how much life is worth. She just cussed, and she's only nine. Her response: "Whatever."

What happened to her? She's disappearing, and so is my mom, and I don't know how to support them both by myself, because it isn't working! Nothing is working! And I can't get away from it! Why isn't anybody helping except me? Please give me advice!
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There are two main things I want you to understand. One...life can feel like it is crashing and that people are in terrible trouble but given time, things work out. Every life has ups and downs, it is like night and day, summer and winter.

You are all experiencing a difficult time, after a divorce, and you are taking on the role of the rescuer and worrier. I did that, too. It isn't good! Better to trust life, and trust that everyone, including you, is supported by life and by divine love, and you all are learning as you go.

The second thing is that the best thing you can do for life and for everyone, including yourself, is to focus on YOUR needs. Right now, you feel the need for everyone, including your sister, to be ok, to be ok the way YOU think they should be. But you will lose yourself doing that AND they will turn away from you. They cannot live according to what you want. You need to feel like everyone is ok so you can feel safe and supported.
So keep telling yourself that all IS well, you are safe, you are supported, things will work out but it is not up to you. It is not your job. YOU are your job. Tell your sister it is a tough time NOW but it will all be ok, YOU will be ok, your MOM will be ok.
Love and blessings, Laura