Fear of Abandonment - Adult onset abondonment

by D
(MN)

My husband, age 44, died of cancer almost 2 years ago. My mother died 6 months later (of cancer, but at 85) and my father died 6 years ago of cancer.

After 1 year of my husband's death I started seeing someone that I met where my mother lived in assisted living. As it turned out, I gave my heart way too soon and he ended up being a commitment phob and tried to keep me on a string. He cheated.

I became addicted to hearing from him and spending time with him. It's been a little over 2 months since I blocked him from contacting me but I think about him almost all day, every day. It's driving me crazy.

I've sought out a counselor who is helping me sort all this out. I know he is not the one for me and the relationship created a lot of anxiety. I wish I would have never met him. At first, he seemed like just the person I'd want to spend my time with, so I idealized who I thought he was.

When he started cheating (4 times) I overlooked it thinking he would eventually want to stay with me. I finally took the step to break it off completely and it seems like it is the hardest time of my life right now.

I also think that I am hurt by the loss of so many loved ones in my life. I have read several books on abandonment and codependence. They help when I'm reading them, but the fact of the matter is that I feel so alone and it hurts every day.

I am counting on time and meditation, along with good friends to get me through all this. The only other connections I have to abandonment is from dating in early years (about 28 years ago). I didn't know I was experiencing abondonment until this break up.