~~~*~~~

What about you? Perhaps your fear of abandonment issues with your father have created similar problems for you?

You can explore this more at this quiz about fathers and values.

Or: How to deal with depression. This is a mind-body healing about the "Metal Element" from Chinese Acupuncture. It offers wisdom about how to deal with grief and self-worth through the lungs and the large intestine.

The large intestine is about "letting go of what you don't need," - let go of what poisons you (closure!). Metal's season is Autumn...when nature "lets go".

The Lungs teach us to "breathe"!...breathe in life, breathe in Divine Life Force. Your lungs are where you hold your grief. We are unaware of how much grief we carry.

Get in touch with your grief...what went wrong in your life? What do you regret? What are you sad about? (Grief is also related to closure.)

With much love,Laura

~~~*~~~ Fear of Abandonment - My Father Leaving Again

by Michael (Vancouver, BC)

Fear of Abandonment: Ever since I was a young boy, I remember that my father would leave and go away for long periods of time. This behavior would cause my mother to be angry and frustrated; often she would take it out one me. I remember feeling that it was all my fault and I had done something bad.

As an adult, I often myself attracted to "dangerous" relationships; ones that make me feel insecure and living on the edge. It is always very exciting in the beginning as you never know how long the intensity will last, only that it is like a "drug".

How do I heal this part of myself? I am leaving a non-working relationship where I find myself giving too much of myself...I read that I could start by trying to feel the raw pain and to try to be comfortable with it. And by feeling that I am in control of my own destiny and that I do not have to feel scared any longer as I can take care of myself.

Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts. The road to recovery seems long and tedious. However, I think the fight will be well worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laura responds:

The road to recovery from fear of abandonment feels long. But it beats the alternative! (More of the same, no recovery.)

What I hear in you is an awakened soul - too wise to keep playing the same game.

I don't have easy answers as to how to heal this part of yourself. You are on the right track.

I DO suggest you go to the Emotional Release on this site. It will take you back to a time when you were that little boy. It will help your inner boy get what he needs (so he doesn't have to keep repeating the situation). It will help you deal with your current relationships with more choice, more power, more joy.

This is what a 46 year old mother of 3 wrote about the Emotional Release:

"I came upon your website last night as I was doing a search on abandonment issues. I went through the emotional release exercise, and boy, did I have emotional release!

I really got down to some core issues from the past and just about cried my heart out. I got in touch with a lot of those deep abandonment issues and cried and cried.

I felt so much better afterward as I have had a terrible depression and heaviness on my chest for a LONG time and just worse recently. I have felt light as a feather since then if that makes sense.

Your website and exercise was truly a godsend as I have had sooooo much pain all bottled up inside that couldn't get out despite going to several counselors over the years.

I was seriously thinking one day I would just have to do myself in to escape the pain. I am TRULY grateful for just this one exercise that has brought me a great amount of relief.

It is the first time in a LONG time I have felt a peace. I am looking forward to our phone session if this is any indication of further healing. Thanks so much."

~~~~~~~~~~~ Fear of Abandonment I want to heal my heart by Maggie (Canada)

My name is Maggie and I'm 21 years old. My father died when I was 5 from Kidney Disease, and my mother was a skitzophrenic drug addict who sold my body for money for drugs when I was very young.

I have bounced from family members and foster care and group homes my whole life. I lived with my fathers first wife and husband from age 7-11 until I told my teacher that her husband was beating me with a belt.

I had some supervised visits with my mom until I was 7 when she called me to say that she couldn't see me anymore. I then when to my fathers sister for about a year, until her son (my cousin) tried to touch me sexually and I told my auntie and my whole family didn't believe me. They told me I was crazy like my mom and I ended up going to foster care.

I've had some counseling when I was younger but I didn't feel it helped me or that I needed it. Now that I've been with the same guy for 5 years whom I love with my whole heart I'm starting to realize that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

I always felt that I had overcome everything and was better for it. But that isn't true. I'm always wondering if Justin my boyfriend loves me anymore, or if hes going to stop one day. I'm always worried he will cheat on me (he did once 2 years ago). I'm always scared that things are going to fall apart or he will leave me. I try to let go or not think about it but even little things like him going out without me makes me upset. Ive started to have anxiety attacks. I know I need to talk to someone but I don't know who.

I know Justin loves me and he wants the best for me but he has told me these feelings I have bother him. I told him they aren't his fault but I feel even more upset because I don't want him to feel like I'm crazy.

I want to be normal and accept that he loves me and not have these feelings deep down that he will stop. I want to talk to him but I don't think he understands, I don't know if anyone will. I just want to heal my heart and become a better person.

~~~~~~~~~~ Laura responds to Maggie's Fear of Abandonment

I have a heartful of things I want to share with you. I don't want to overwhelm you with too much at once, so I am going to write bits at a time, over a few days.

The number one thing is I think you are a miracle. To have been through what you have, and to function, to be able to have a long-term relationship, to be able to say that you "want to heal your heart and become a better person" - well, I am not exaggerating when I say you are amazing. You must have a soul made of steel!

I am inspired to offer lots of ideas that may help you. For today, would you do this...

I honestly want to know how you do it. What is it in you that keeps you so strong, so healthy, so loving, so wise? Please, you can email or put it on this page, everything about you that you think has helped you come this far.

This is important, Maggie. Once you start healing, you are going to need this strong part of you to help you through it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fear of Abandonment - Maggie replies Thank you for the kind words! They meant the world to me. I honestly don't know if some of the things that have helped me along the way are healthy but these are some of the things that I have used to try and get over things so far.

Anger was and is the number one thing I use as a tool, I choose to be angry at the people who left me and it helps because I say that I don't need you, I didn't need you and I have came this far without you. It helps me not ask the questions why did this happen to me?, why didn't anyone step in and take me in?

Pride obviously even though it cannot be shown as I'm not in contact with any of my family. But my pride to be better then my mom and absolutely nothing like her has helped me a lot and is my motivation to be a better person. They always said I would be just like her and I'm making sure that will never happen.

Justin (my boyfriend) has helped me into believing that I can be loved even though I always have quite the opposite feeling deep down. I try to stay positive and understand that I am no longer a victim and in order to move past this I need to realize that.

I push a lot of my energy in trying to be the best at the things I do.

From what I have heard about my father he was a great man full of love and laughter that he loved a sick woman (my mom) and I think some of my attributes even though i never really knew him have came to me through him.

He's also part of my motivation because I want him to be proud of his daughter, even though he isnt here I know in my heart he would have helped me every step of the way if given the chance.

I'm finding now that I'm older these things are getting harder for me to do, its not everyday, but some days its feels that everything that has happened to me is weighing me down. Even though i want nothing more then to get past it, for some reason its creeping into the things I do daily.

The most important thing to me is my relationship with Justin and I know I'm hurting him as I'm hurting inside. Maggie

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