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Fear of Abandonment
- Continued -
How does calling fear
of abandonment an illness
make things worse? Implying that fear of abandonment is ITSELF the problem - is an ILLNESS - only serves to intensify fear. It’s like this…”Oh great, now I am afraid of feeling fear, because if I feel fear, then there IS something wrong with me. Oh dear, I’m afraid I am feeling fear again.”
Abandonment happens all the time and we all know that. And we know it feels really bad. So who WOULDN’T be afraid of facing life alone? Like any fear, it becomes overwhelming when you don't have understanding or tools to deal with it. It really IS that simple.
Here comes the brain science part: The reason you have a fear of abandonment is because you have experienced what felt like abandonment. Your brain registered this (a ghostly memory) as danger (and rightly so - it IS very hard to survive alone). Your brain wants you to survive so it warns you (gives you a scare) anytime it is reminded of possible abandonment. Your brain is NOT ILL, it is just doing what it does. Being at war with what your brain does only make things worse.
Therefore -- another way to understand fear of abandonment
is that you have a brain that loves you and is vigilant about looking after you. It just gets a little carried away! I promise…if you work WITH your brain, it will work with you. Your brain wants to help your fear of abandonment, so help your brain to help you.
Now... Shall we begin? To be courageous, start by getting more clarity about your own fears. 1. Fill in the blank: “I know that I have fear of abandonment (or abandonment issues) because I: (Describe what triggers your fear of abandonment and how you react, anything you do -or avoid doing- because of your fears and issues.)
~Is your fear triggered by new beginnings? A new
job, relationship? Meeting new people, being in new
situations? Are you afraid to be self-assertive?
(weak Wood Element)
~Is your fear triggered by intimacy? Sexuality? Feeling
unsafe and unprotected? Being controlled? Losing control?
Do you fear social situations? Do you fear communication?
(weak Fire Element)
~Do you have fears about your survival? Food, water,
clothing, housing? Do you fear being unsupported?
(weak Earth Element)
~Are you afraid of failure, humiliation, embarrassment?
Being "wrong"? Is it difficult for you to be authentic? Are
you afraid that you will do the wrong actions? Are you
confused about what is true and right?
(weak Metal Element)
~And finally, are you afraid of fear? Does fear steal your
calm or make you unable to face your life? Do you lose
clarity? Do you have a "fear program" that runs (ruins)
your life and disables your ability to move forward with
power?
(weak Water Element)
2. Write about times when you felt abandoned. This might be something like your mother being away for a while. There may be times you don't remember but heard about - a stay in a hospital, for example, when you were very young.
3. Be honest about what kind of emotional environment you were born into. Read this important article about the brain and depression and our earliest memories.
People often tell me they can’t have healthy relationships or they are skeptical that I can help them.
Lest we forget: Relationships are natural -- unhealthy (or absent) relationships are unnatural.
Folks, as humans our brains and nervous systems are hard-wired to need relationships! This is actually a healthy, good need. I use a proven process called Resonance Repatterning® to identify the patterns that get in your way and assist you in shifting to new patterns.
I make no claims about instant fixes and if I did, the skeptics would be right. However, I do claim that sessions can powerfully move you from negative to positive patterns. These shifts change you from the inside out and ripple out into your life and relationships. These shifts change you:
who you attract - and how you act - and how you feel.
Please click to see my:
Testimonials | Endorsements |Training |Services/Fees ~~~In addition to private sessions, I am now offering two new choices:
1. A single 90 minute group session done on conference call, with no long-distance fees in most countries.($25)
2. A six-week course consisting of 3 small group sessions and home-study to prepare you for the sessions. ($180)
~~~Learn More~~~
Learn how your brain works - it is SO helpful to understand.
Back to Fear of Abandonment - part one
Go to Abandonment Issues for more self help.
Tell us your fear of abandonment story - and see what others shared
When your thoughts go round n round, try Thought Stopping
Go to Treatments for Depression homepage
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