Here comes the brain science part: The reason you have a fear of abandonment is because you have experienced what felt like abandonment. Your brain registered this (a ghostly memory) as danger (and rightly so - it IS very hard to survive alone). Your brain wants you to survive so it warns you (gives you a scare) anytime it is reminded of possible abandonment. Your brain is NOT ILL, it is just doing what it does. Being at war with what your brain does only make things worse.
Therefore -- another way to understand fear of abandonment
is that you have a brain that loves you and is vigilant about looking after you. It just gets a little carried away!
I promise…if you work WITH your brain, it will work with you. Your brain wants to help your fear of abandonment, so help your brain to help you.
Now... Shall we begin?
To be courageous, start by getting more clarity about your own fears.
1. Fill in the blank:
“I know that I have fear of abandonment (or abandonment issues) because I:
(Describe what triggers your fear of abandonment and how you react, anything you do -or avoid doing- because of your fears and issues.)
~Is your fear triggered by new beginnings? A new
job, relationship? Meeting new people, being in new
situations? Are you afraid to be self-assertive?
(weak Wood Element)
~Is your fear triggered by intimacy? Sexuality? Feeling
unsafe and unprotected? Being controlled? Losing control?
Do you fear social situations? Do you fear communication?
(weak Fire Element)
~Do you have fears about your survival? Food, water,
clothing, housing? Do you fear being unsupported?
(weak Earth Element)
~Are you afraid of failure, humiliation, embarrassment?
Being "wrong"? Is it difficult for you to be authentic? Are
you afraid that you will do the wrong actions? Are you
confused about what is true and right?
(weak Metal Element)
~And finally, are you afraid of fear? Does fear steal your
calm or make you unable to face your life? Do you lose
clarity? Do you have a "fear program" that runs (ruins)
your life and disables your ability to move forward with
power?
(weak Water Element)
2. Write about times when you felt abandoned. This might be something like your mother being away for a while. There may be times you don't remember but heard about - a stay in a hospital, for example, when you were very young.
3. Be honest about what kind of emotional environment you were born into. Read this important article about the brain and depression and our earliest memories.
Learn how your brain works - it is SO helpful to understand.
Back to Fear of Abandonment - part one
Go to Abandonment Issues for more self help.
Tell us your fear of abandonment story - and see what others shared
When your thoughts go round n round, try Thought Stopping
Go to Treatments for Depression homepage
"I can't remember what life was like before because I am not that person any more, ~ but I do know I used to be pretty darned miserable." V.G., Software Engineer, Boston
I am a Certified Resonance Repatterning Practitioner since 2000 and have offered phone session treatments for depression, abandonment, anxiety and more for years
~they work beautifully and powerfully.
The safety of home allows for very deep healing. Each session also provides you
with customized self-healing techniques.Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., CRRP
Contact Email me to schedule a session or a time to talk for a few minutes before you decide.
Sessions are $60 per hour. (Typical rate for a certified practitioner is $100 per hour.)
NEW CLIENT SPECIAL - New clients can do 3 x 90 minute sessions for only $240 in order to get a solid, deep break through. (I highly recommend this so you can see for yourself the transformational potential of these alternative treatments for depression.) Try one session before you decide and pay as you go, there are payment options to suit any situation.
