At age 44, I still have abandonment issues..

Can you believe it at age 44 I still cry about my abandonment issues that my mother and father never loved me.

I am the oldest of 5 siblings. My parents gave me up for adoption when I has 2 years old. I was adopted by my mothers parents.

My father has been in and out of jail my whole life and to this day that is where he is.

My mother has remarried she remains in the same town that I live in.

My grandfather who was everything to me died in 1998, my grandmother died a few years later.
Since my grandparents have died I sometimes feel lost in this world.

I wonder what it would be like to have a NORMAL life.
How do I become normal at age 44?
Why can't I just move on?
Why do I love my parents who gave me away?
Why did this have to happen to me?
Sometimes I wish that I would just die or not wake up in the morning!!
Thank you for listening to me. Have a great night!

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You are normal! It is normal to experience tragic loss from losing your parents. It is normal to feel they didn't love you and normal to love them anyway. It is normal to feel sad and lost after losing those who did parent you.

We are so sadly mistaken when we see the TV fantasies and think that is normal and compare ourselves.

It is normal to want to feel bonded and loved and secure in family and in relationships.

The trick is to understand that YOU - your essence - is so much more than these circumstances and the difficult feelings you experience. Another trick is to avoid feeling that you somehow got "ripped off" or less than you deserve. AND especially not to see yourself as some kind of victim of life.

You are throwing the baby out with the bathwater! Look at all that conspired to bring you into life, despite obstacles and hardships.

Ask yourself...what if my soul saw these people and these circumstances while I was in heaven, not yet born. What if there was something about this whole situation that I saw would help me to evolve, be a bigger, stronger, wiser, more loving being for having these experiences? What if you actually chose this, in your higher best interest.

Or if maybe you chose it because you were going to be there for someone going through hard times?

I'm not saying this is the case, I cannot know that. What I am saying is it is a good question, a good point of view to experiment with. ASK YOURSELF--If I DID choose this, WHY WOULD I? What HAVE I gained or learned to value? How has this made you more?

When you start finding possible answers to these kinds of questions, you will not be normal. YOU WILL BE FAR ABOVE normal.

with love
Laura