Abandonment issues from an alchoholic dad
by Cecilia
When I was young my parents divorced. My dads alcoholism became too aggressive for my mom and after struggling with it for five years, she finally divorced him. After that, my dad completely became someone else. He said he'd stop by and never did and soon became very unstable and unreliable. I never truly thought that at the age of 21 years old, that these issues would just now be surfacing. I cannot hold a relationship, I destroy anything good that comes into my life, if someone actually likes me I always think they are lying because I dont possible see why someone would like me, I push people away from me because I feel that if I push them away, they cant push me away. I have a constant feeling of being alone and depressed. Although my dad and I talk almost every day to each other, my issues still remain with me. I am not mad at him anymore or wish any harm upon him. I just wish that I could be happy with myself. I have stolen from friends, I have been bilemic for almost 7 years now (and still not even close to happy with the way that I look), I smoke pot more than anyone I know, I have slept around to where I have actually forgetten names and lost the number of how many men I have slept with, and completely despise myself. I know that I am heaven and hell to date. I am the best and the worst. I dont allow anyone close to me what so ever. Especially men. I will let you in and then throw you out. Men and me get along great at first but then I slowly turn into the insecure, scared person I am. |
