Abandoment

by carmen pina
(bronx, NY)

I was left at home with an abusive sibling. I understand my mom needed to work but her employers told her she can bring me with her. I never understood why she did not protect me. Why I was discarded by doctors, by family and why I miss not having company when in reality I cannot have a sexual relationship.
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Oh Carmen, you say so much in so few words. I am so sorry for what you've been through and for how you left dealing with it now.

It is natural to want to bond and be close~ It is a sign of hope, of your inner light and love, that you want company.

We can't understand why others do what they do. Believe me, I have tried~! It is a no-win place to put your attention. Your attention is powerful and healing.

Instead, see if you can begin - with little tiny baby steps - to put your attention on what you need, what you want, and on noticing if you are able to believe in it at all.

If you cannot believe in it...even that someday, even decades from now, before you die, you can realize SOME of it, then choose one belief or thought that blocks this from you.

Put your attention on changing even one thought. Find evidence that makes the thought not so true in the world, in life, if not in your personal history.

If nothing else, resolve that you will GIVE to yourself, to life, to the world, what you need. For example, if I need people to care about me, then I make efforts to be caring to others, to myself.

with lots of love and caring...
Laura